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3 Step Formula On How To Get a Girlfriend
For the fast track version of this article, skip straight to step 3.
1. Let go of your desire to have a girlfriend.
I think the goal of the majority of guys in this community is just to get a girlfriend. They don’t want to sleep with strippers, they don’t want to have 5-somethings, they don’t want to date 20 women at once. Sure these things are nice, but at the end of the day they really want to have a good woman. However, they not only want a girlfriend, they also want a girlfriend badly…
The paradox is… the more you want to be in a relationship, the harder it is to actually get into one. This is the most reactive, counter-productive mind screw in the dating world. There are several reasons why this is so true. For one, a strong desire to be with a certain woman kills your game. You can be…
– Become poor. This includes calling her more, wanting to spend more time with her, and generally giving her more attention. She thinks it’s “too much, too soon” and gets frustrated.
– Be emotional. You might get angry if she doesn’t call you back, decides to go clubbing with her friends, or breaks plans with you. You might get jealous if you see her talking to other guys and seeing other guys too.
– Try harder. Because you want her to like you, you can make yourself feel entitled all the time, try to say and do things to impress her, try not to disagree, and generally work hard to get her to like you.
– Read more in the subjects. You can overanalyze and overthink very basic things. Say you meet her at a bar and instead of talking to you right away, she goes and talks to her friends for a few minutes. You might get fed up and read too much into the situation, thinking she doesn’t like you anymore.
All in all, when you really want a certain girl to be your girlfriend and she’s more than one of the 1 women you’re currently seeing, you’re going to find a way to mess it up. So the first thing you should do is let go of your desire to be a girlfriend. Once you do this, most of the self-imposed pressure will be lifted off your shoulders and most of your problems attracting women will disappear naturally. Again, very responsive.
Many guys read this and find it hard to let go. For those guys, let’s take a deeper look at what having a girlfriend actually entails…
Having a girlfriend won’t solve your problems
What you need to understand is that a girlfriend will not solve your problems. If you’re feeling anxious, depressed, or generally unhappy with life, a woman alone won’t make these feelings go away. Don’t get me wrong, the early stages of a relationship are like strange waves of happiness. Amazing sex, connecting with a woman on a deep level, fun and excitement – it’s all wonderful.
But after this honey-moon phase, life returns to normal… the problems you faced before meeting your girlfriend come back to life. This can range from self-loathing beliefs, issues from your past, anxiety about the future, etc. Your new girlfriend can’t magically remove these from your life.
So you have to honestly ask yourself if your life is together without women involved. For example, do you go to the gym regularly? Do you have a really good group of friends? Do you have interests and hobbies outside of women? Do you have life goals that you are working toward? Organized all the BS in your head? If you answered no to any of these questions, having a girlfriend is the last thing on your mind.
Having a girlfriend complicates your life
Now when you are in a relationship you face many new problems. Remember, your girlfriend’s problems are your problems now that you’re in a relationship. If she has financial problems, drama with her family and friends, and her own crap running through her head, you’ll have to deal with this, too.
Relationships always have bumps in the road so you have to deal with fights, jealousy issues and all kinds of stress that all couples deal with at some level. Often relationships take a lot of work and sacrifice on both ends to succeed.
Most guys don’t consider these things. Are you in a position to handle this potential stress? Are you ready to handle Crazy Uncle Charlie every time you have to go to a family event? Are you willing to devote your time and attention to a woman?
The last thing you want right now should be a girlfriend
If you’re a single guy who doesn’t have much experience with women, having a girlfriend is the last thing on your mind. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely the ultimate destination for work, but enjoy the damn ride when you get there.
Having a girlfriend means missing out on meeting other women. If you haven’t been with many women in your past, why do you want to settle down with just one now? Enjoy the freedom you have right now and experience bachelorhood to the fullest. The last thing you want is to be in a long-term relationship regretting that you didn’t live it up when you had the chance. This is a disservice to both you and your future girlfriend/wife. Women should not allow their boyfriends to fantasize about other women, watch porn, or catch their “wonderful eyes” while at a restaurant. Get this stuff out of your system so that when you finally get a girlfriend you can trust that there is no other woman you want to be with.
You don’t really know what you want in a relationship
If you haven’t had a girlfriend before, you probably don’t really know what you want in a woman. You may think you’re attracted to introverts, but when you actually start dating one, they find them boring. Or maybe you think you’re attracted to foreign women, but in reality it’s hard to find cultural differences.
Trust me, whatever you’re fantasizing about in your head is very different from what it’s like in the real world. The only way to know what you want in a long-term partner is to experience many women for yourself. Once you know what type of woman is best for you, your chances of long-term success in your future relationship are much higher.
2. Learn to be nice to women in general
The next step to getting a girlfriend is learning to be nice to women in general. For most guys out there, it takes a lot of time and effort. Ignite is basically a step-by-step instruction manual on how to do this. It sounds simple, but follow the freakin’ instructions in that program to TEE and you’ll have this step covered. This topic is too big for me to cover in depth in this article.
In general, you want to be in a position to see at least 3 women. This means you meet once, maybe twice a week…
Since you’re seeing different women, you don’t really care how things go with any of them. You’re not needy, you’re unpredictable, you’re not giving a woman all your time and attention, and you generally don’t care about being yourself around them. Ironically, this mentality is what attracts women in the first place.
3. Choose a girlfriend from the few women you see regularly.
Once you’ve seen a few different women, you’ll be in a much better position to start a relationship. There are many reasons why this is true…
– You will be able to choose the best woman from the few you have experienced.
– You are not afraid that she will leave you.
– You don’t feel insecure that you’re not good enough.
– You don’t get jealous when she talks to other guys.
– You’re not too emotional and can’t work out any BS between the two of you.
– You are not needy or clingy.
– She respects you because you act like a man.
– She doesn’t care about you because she knows you can get other women.
– and and on and on….
All this lays a SOLID foundation for a long-term relationship with a woman you are crazy about…
Now the question is, how do you make the transition from seeing a woman casually to having a relationship with her?
One thing you need to understand is that you shouldn’t push for a relationship in the first place. Your mindset should be as follows: “Right now I’m enjoying the moment. I’m breaking up with her and she’s super cool. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions so I’ll make my decision. Let time and things unfold naturally. If things continue to be amazing and an opportunity like a relationship comes up, Let’s see what happens.” The women you date need to feel this vibe from you.
So again, let things flow naturally…this means not considering a relationship until you’ve gone on at least 10 dates with her.
This means testing her and making sure this is the woman you want to commit to. After the first date, you haven’t met her yet… you’ve met her 1st date personality. This is very different from how she usually acts on a day-to-day basis. Get to know her more over time and give her the same opportunity to do the same. Let time and experience bring you guys together.
Many guys try to pick up women. They don’t see any women, so when someone gives them a little attention, they try to keep her safe. It’s like they find a butterfly, and cage it to try and keep it from disappearing. This should not be your mindset.
Metaphorically, keep the palm open, let the butterfly sit on top of it, and appreciate every moment sitting there. If it flies, it flies. The butterfly flies away only when you try to make it yours and yours alone.
Women are much the same. The moment you try to capture her by pushing for a relationship, she runs away. Appreciate every moment and every date as it comes and look no further. No agenda, women hate that. Accept her leaving at any moment and let her make the decision to stay with you.
So what you want to do is see a woman once a week. You may call her once, maybe twice that week. You don’t want to talk on the phone all night like little school girls. For example call her and say, “Hey, remember that crazy guy at work I told you about. You’ll never believe what happened…”, tell a quick story, and then tell her you have to go. That’s it.
You want to be unique. Call her on a random Tuesday afternoon, then don’t call her for a few days. Then call her on a Saturday afternoon from somewhere and ask her if she wants to meet in a few hours. She should wait for your call and be excited when you actually do.
It shouldn’t be a game. You should really see other girls when you’re not with her. A lot of guys think “Yeah… so I shouldn’t call her for two days… Great technique Tony!” Then sat by the phone, holding on not to call in the meantime. By the time they call, they are either overexcited or too scared to…
If things continue to go smoothly, meet twice a week. Again, she can be called twice at this point. Text her at random times to say something funny or interesting. Don’t see every time you text or call as an opportunity to set up a date. Provide value and be crazy…
Then change things up three times a week, then four times. By the time you’re meeting four times a week and seeing each other for a few months, it’s inevitable that things will naturally move towards an exclusive relationship. Trust me, if she sees you this much she will want you as her boyfriend.
What has worked in my experience is to get her to the point where she’s dying to be in a relationship with you, then one day smile and say, “You know what? I’ve decided to make you my girlfriend…oh yeah and you don’t have a choice.” Now remember to be very playful about it, but at the same time she needs to know that you are serious. She’ll be excited and happy that you two are finally special, and she’ll probably brag to all her friends that it happened.
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