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3 Ways to Get Your Ex to Talk to You and Initiate Contact
Most of the time after a relationship breaks up, one of the partners discovers that he or she has much more intense feelings than expected and would do nearly anything to get back together with his or her ex again.
Sometimes heated or hurtful words were exchanged during the break up or the weeks that led up to it because of the stress, painful waiting, anger, or irrationality brought upon by the ending of a relationship. After you and your ex broke up, your ex may have completely stopped all contact, blocked you on chats or social networking sites, or even gone out of his or her way to avoid meeting you.
If this and maybe more is going on – don’t worry! It’s not your fault. Your ex is simply dealing with the break up as best as he or she knows how, even if he or she still has (possibly strong) feelings for you. I’ve had all this happened to me before, and I know you can reverse all of it.
(!) Warning! Take this step first for best results
It can be especially challenging to keep communication open if your ex wants nothing to do with you. Both you and your ex will benefit if you give them a “cooling-off” period; this will show your ex that you respect his or her need for time apart – which he or she’ll really appreciate. This time-out will also bring your absence to your ex’s attention, and he or she’ll wonder about you (in a good way! This would probably NOT happen if you keep calling or texting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, or showing up on purpose where he or she’s hanging out. This behavior is common after a break up but caustic; good intentions aside, you’ll most likely drive your ex far away because they’re not ready to hear from you just yet.)
Step #1: First step to getting your ex back
After giving your ex enough space apart, you need to show him or her that you still care very much for them and want to give your relationship another chance. How you establish communication when he or she’s not talking to you must be done carefully.
You can call your ex and ask him or her if there’s a time when you two can get together and catch up. If he or she hasn’t been talking to you at all, you might get a cold or noncommittal response to that, so prepare yourself with a “peace offering!” Peace offerings may include saying that you have some things you need to apologize for–and follow up with asking if he or she’d mind meeting for lunch.
Step #2: If the direct approach fails with your ex…
If your ex rejects your proposal, he or she probably needs some more time. In a while, you can employ a “go-between” friend.
Tell a good friend both you and your ex trust how much you’d like to get back together, and ask him or her if they could meet up with your ex and have a low-key chat and ask if there is any way you could atone for your former mistakes. Since this is already asking a lot of your friend, leave it at that and don’t bug him or her about it. Don’t expect a call soon thereafter or be affronted if your friend refuses; make sure you let your bud know that he or she’s under no obligation to do this, as it is a pretty hefty favor you are asking.
Be honest about the fact that your goal is to get back together; the time to “play it cool” is over.
Step #3: A powerful technique for reaching out to your ex
If Step 2 didn’t work for you, write your thoughts down in a letter. Stay sincere and keep your letter from getting long-winded. When you’re done, let it sit for at least 24 hours before you read it over again and make sure it says exactly what you intend to say. Make sure your correspondences get to the right people; hand-deliver your letter in person, acknowledge any mistakes you may have made and any hurt you may have caused. Apologize and ask your ex to read the letter and let you know if there’s any way you can make it up to him or her.
When you are trying to re-establish contact with a dear one where a relationship has gone awry, you have to speak from your heart, be honest, and put yourself up to possibly be rejected. It’s good to give your ex some space and let him or her know you will be ready for them when they’re prepared to give things another shot.
I tested this plan on my break up, and it succeeded (much to my surprise!)
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